If you are eating an apple a day in the hopes that it will keep the doctor away, I have bad news for you.
My family has been eating lots of apples lately. More than one each a day. My kids like to dip their apples in peanut butter, and one week they ate so many apples that we went through an entire four pound container of peanut butter.
Despite the vast quantity of apples consumed, we’ve had a flu bug migrating from person to person in our house. Last night it was my turn to be sick.
While it is no fun to be sick, there are some benefits. My kids have been waiting on me hand and foot. My oldest son even fixed dinner.
By fixed dinner, I mean he took my credit card (with my permission), bought take-and-bake pizza, and then put it in the oven.
He took it out of the oven, too.
While I don’t think we’ve been sick with the swine flu, I do think I know why this flu is immune to apples. It’s because pigs eat apples.
My grandpa used to raise pigs and he always fed apples to his pigs. He also used to keep a radio in the barn so his pigs could listen to classical music. If I remember right, he said it made them calm and then they got fatter.
(Note to self: Stop listening to classical music.)
If swine eat apples, but still get the flu, it just stands to reason that we can eat apples and still get fat. I mean, get the flu.
So what I don’t understand is why the toilet is always two steps too far away from the person who is throwing up.
And I also don’t understand how someone can make 61 quarts & 7 pints of applesauce, 14 quarts of apple pie filling, 10 pints of freezer apple jam, then give away two boxes full of apples, still have apples on her trees, and yet manage to catch the flu, which might or might not be related to swine.
It’s crazy. You know it’s crazy when you have to start making things like apple jam.
Who’s ever heard of apple jam? But it was in the canning book. And it had the word apple in it. So I made it. And look at this:
I managed to empty the container full of apples. Just not the apple trees.
Here’s something else I don’t understand:
Does the dog really need to wear sunglasses?
At night?
Does it help him to avoid seeing how many apples are still left on the trees?
If so, I want a pair.
And in case you are worried about catching the flu (of the swine variety or otherwise), my daughter sanitized the keyboard of my laptop. So, you won’t get it from me.
But I recommend avoiding all swine.
And classical music.
Especially classical music.
WOW! What kind of daughter sanitizes a keyboard? Wierdo. I feel really bad for her. Maybe she is smart and doesnt want to get sick. Ever thought of that? I think she has!
This was even more scary than the “2012″ movie trailer I just watched… what’s collapsing buildings compared to a dog in sunglasses… at night?
Be afraid… be very afraid.
For some reason, apples no longer sound so appetizing.
13 yr. old–Somehow you have managed to be one of the few in our house that hasn’t gotten sick. Maybe that sanitizing the keyboard worked.
Royce–What’s even more scary is when he (the dog) carries more apples into the house. Who knew dogs ate apples?
Louise–I know what you mean.