When my 16 year old son was in first grade, I got a call from his elementary school teacher. She said, “Your son fell off the monkey bars and hurt his leg. I think you need to come get him.”
I (as compassionate as always) said, “There’s half an hour left of school. Can’t he wait and take the bus home?”
“You need to come get him.”
I loaded my two other little kids into the car and drove to pick him up. One look at my son and I knew that by “hurt” the teacher meant “broken.” A piece of his shin bone was jutting out below the skin. He was in so much pain we could barely get him into the car. He screamed every time the car hit a bump or went over a pothole on the way to the hospital.
Ever since then, I have dreaded calls from school. It’s always stuff like, “your son got hit in the eye with a ball.” Or, “your son was playing football and I think his finger is broken.” Or, once it was, “Mom, I put my retainer in a napkin and forgot about it and threw it away.”
Another bad call from school would be one telling me my child had lice.
Last week my 9 year old daughter came home from elementary school with a pamphlet entitled, “A Parent’s Guide to Head Lice.”
The pamphlet contains all kinds of information about lice. It says that the best way to remove nits (baby lice) is to comb them out. Any missed nits can be picked out “with fingernails.” That’s what monkeys do. Only, unlike monkeys, we don’t have to eat the lice. At least they don’t recommend it in the pamphlet.
The pamphlet is nothing new. The school has annually sent home one like it for at least the last 12 years.
What is new is the school’s weekly head checks for lice. And, all the kids have to put their coats and backpacks into individual plastic bags to keep their lice from touching other people’s stuff.
Apparently, there is a lice problem at our school.
Someone should have told the lice they can’t live here in Utah. We have laws.
And snow.
I take great pleasure all winter knowing that there are billions of bugs slowly freezing to death beneath layers of snow. And that the cold weather will greatly reduce their numbers come spring.
Besides the genocidal slaughter of innocent (but pesky) insects, snow is also good for skiing and snowboarding. Not that I ski or snowboard. Because that would be cold.
But this past weekend two of my boys went snowboarding for the first time. My advice to my 16 year old was, “Don’t break a leg.” And I did not mean that in the theatrical sort of way. I meant it in the don’t fall off the monkey bars kind of way.
He had Preference that same night and not only would crutches make it difficult to dance, but a cast would clash with his date’s dress.
He had a great time both while snowboarding and at Preference. And neither son broke any bones. Or got any lice.
And that’s why we call it the greatest snow on earth.
Which isn’t a bad call, at all.
You are so cool., I swear every thing you write totally entertains me. Thanks for making me laugh out loud today. And yes, I’ve spent the afternoon with stinky kids and a messy house (because it wasn’t my house we cleaned), trying to choose between reading my book and blogging.
You can see who won.
My kids went snowboarding for the first time two weeks ago and I was totally expecting the call and the rush to the hospital. That it didn’t happen is proof that pessimism works.
Yes. Head lice is a horrible, horrible thing. I have a story about that…
Don’t say lice! Just thinking about it gives me the creepy crawlies! Ick!!!
I know every creature has a purpose in life, but I can’t figure out why we should have to fall into a lice life cycle as part of it’s normal purposes.
Thanks for a very entertaining story. I’m glad it’s less painful to get rid of lice than to fix a broken leg. We like tea tree oil for that. ( lice removal that is, not broken bones)